Yearly Archives: 2023

I write not only to remember but also to make sense. To understand. To synthesize. To expound. Or it can be to breakdown. To deduce. To summarize. Writing, to me, is a form of thinking. I write to think better. Unique ideas deserve to be written because they might never come to you again. And if you are able to put your thoughts into words, that means you understand them better--you will understand you better.

We don't expose our mistakes, the times we messed up and the moments when we felt dumb. These things are actually the important ones to remember and learn from because they can be the catalyst for our growth. The concept of "attacking the resistance" will keep us from getting stuck. Observe a person who made a lot of mistakes to someone who prevents having them. Notice that the one who made more mistakes (and realized something) are quicker to make decisions than the other who chose the "safe" route. It's because we worry a lot. The most unproductive habit I have known and experienced is to excessively worry about something without doing anything. And this boils down to our fear of asking. There is no "dumb question" when you're trying to make sense of things you are not good at. Let us practice getting ourselves out there. As long as it'll not risk our lives, go make that bet. Failure is only certain if we never tried. Today, I asked for a legal advice, I thought it was intimidating but it was actually not that bad. Now I know the details as to why it can be expensive. If I did not ask, I wouldn't know.

I was cramming to get another job after having a 4-week vacation in the Philippines. My recruiter sent me 4 options/hospitals that matched what I was looking for. Without doing prior research (as I usually don’t), I based my pick on how much the hospital pays relative to the hours worked. Plain, simple data. So I picked New Hanover Regional Medical Center. Easy decision, I thought. There was a catch (of course) and I would find it out later as I go.  After signing up with the hospital, I went to do my research about the hospital. By now, you can tell I am not good at doing due diligence at all. I usually do my research after the fact rather than before like a normal person would do. So I am a member of a known Facebook group for travel nurses and out of nowhere I’ve decided (this was my research) to quickly check on some feedback from nurses who have previously worked in NHRMC, and guess what, most of them were negative–words that are definitely not exciting. But of course, I don’t believe everything that’s said on social media as some people tend to exaggerate their experiences even though it was mediocre at best. So I am still giving the facility a benefit of the doubt.  My first week went fine. We had the usual class orientation, brief history of the facility and presentation of their policies. One of the educators seemed nice though, the other lady was…

May your soul rest in peace, uncle Nathaniel aka "Kandong", codename: Casper. He was my mother's younger brother. When someone close to us dies, we imagine the fleeting precious moments we've shared together. With uncle Kandong, it was his bright, unintimidating smile. He was happy with simple things and he always looked very content. He was not rich or famous and I have never heard of him being involved in troubles in our area. Whenever I visit my mommy Luz's place where he lives, he always had something to offer me to eat or drink. I remember back in the days when cellular phones were a thing, he would show me "new tricks" one can do on their cellphones. He would giggle after showing me that he had a text signature on every text message that he had sent--Casper. Uncle Kandong was also a father to his nephew and niece. He loved them unconditionally, took care of their needs like they were his own children. He was very protective of them to the point where I find it silly, but who am I to judge him for loving them dearly? They were his new source of smile. To our creator, we thank you for the life of uncle Kandong. I'm sure he'll flash his smile when he gets up there.

I have to admit, this is quite a steep learning curve. I thought learning WordPress was straightforward, I was so wrong.

Motivation is inconsistent. You can't really depend on it. One day you will be highly motivated after having a restful sleep, a hit of caffeine or after hearing your favorite "influencer", the next day life happens and suddenly you're not in the mood of doing any of the tasks in front of you, everything just goes out the window. Totally sounds familiar, right? It took me some time to realize why this is and I will explain it as simply as I can. There is an important neuromodulator that is responsible for the hype that we’re experiencing whenever we’re “feeling motivated”, it's none other than Dopamine. Simply put, Dopamine is the fuel to our gas tanks, we fill our tanks and over time as we consume it, it gets emptied. Hence, our motivation, it comes and goes. Now considering this, why would you rely on something that gets emptied? The point I am trying to highlight is that we should not be dependent on “the fuel” and instead become the person who regularly fills his tank with the right amount of fuel. It took me a long time to realize this. I remember listening to motivational speakers on YouTube with their rich, uplifting tone urging me to get shit done but all I did was watch them for hours telling me to get my shit done. Hilarious but true. Either I will work on something and then quickly realize it was not for me or to work on my old…

Winter is the season I dread. I hate the gloomy, cold and bland vibe around me. And during this time of the year, I find myself struggling to do my regular routines simply due to the lack of interest in doing them. I close-mindedly thought Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) doesn't happen to you, it's a choice you make; however, things got a little interesting when I actually experienced it. I was taken aback when I realized how idiot I was for making conclusions with zero data. In my case, my thoughts start to bombard me with "what-ifs” and "I-can'ts" that I deliberately drown myself in. Initially, I felt weird as I think of myself as someone who can always survive difficult situations but man, my monkey mind loves to play with these thoughts every now and then. These thoughts are not on our side at all, they tend to highlight our vulnerabilities, our weaknesses, and make us obsessively think of the worst that can happen even though the reality isn't all that bad. When I noticed myself being in this predicament a number of times, I knew I had to take action. This led me to create a system (that I will openly share) that whenever I notice these antagonistic thoughts come up, I can act like an observer with the ability to reach for a switch somewhere in the corner of my brain to shut it off. But how do I consciously do it? First is through a scaled-down…

My 2022 was scattered. It did not have a clear path; a series of bad decisions, losing streaks, and terrible executions. Despite the chaos and pain, I am still grateful that I found wisdom from these books. Initially, I was only going to put 3 but there's a lot more in my mind that I think are worth reading. Let me tell you a short story: Back in college, I was so insecure that I am a slow reader, it usually takes me maybe 2-3 weeks to finish a regular-sized book--this is the reason why I do advance reading my textbooks. Now, I am past that pride of trying to read a book in 1-2 seating (without remembering anything), I rarely care about how long it takes me as long as I am learning ideas I never knew existed. Reading is supposed to be a pleasurable experience not a torture. I know reading books aren't for everyone, and if it feels like torture to you, then by all means do what the heck it is that you love to do. I hope we all gain more wisdom in 2023.