I think the reason why I have such a bad temper is that I have a lot of emotional baggage that I internally carry. There are experiences that I have had that I just could not let go or they seem to re-play in my brain. When we were dating back then our relationship was far from perfect and I seem to always get reminded of those painful imperfections. I seem to get angry a lot, I get disappointed easily and I keep seeing the wrongs over the rights things. I feel heaviness and it shouldn’t feel this way, love should be light, easy and enduring.
I don’t even notice that I get so toxic about how I want things to go my way. My wife would always remind how awful I acted especially in the backend. It’s probably taking an emotional toll on her too.
I love how Seth Godin puts it in his blog post titled Annoyed, that “Annoyance is the inflammation that occurs after a mild emotional injury or wound”.
Perhaps I need to be more open to a friend that I have had a lot of wounds, or maybe admit to someone that I have so many scars that are still apparent, or let go of that history that I always thought of as painful.
I need help, I guess all I need to do is seek.